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or the non linear physics of a truckbed

by Annette Flottwell

Our Italian friend Luca, who is an accomplished scientist, asked me what I recommend to carry in a Land Rover. Because I own two 109s, 21 and 26 years old, there is a certain need for an elaborate emergency ballast, oops utility content. Luca replied that he could see the use of the mentioned items, but how would they fit into the truckbed and still be left alone by the members of certain guilds who work in the shadows?

I understood Luca's concern very well, but recalled that we had recently returned unharmed from an expedition into the wild plains of Holland. How was that possible? There are simple explanations, of course. Most thieves wouldn't steal an old dirty dented Land Rover with moss growing in the inner window rubbers and torn seats. There is no radio because you will soon limit any attempts of communication to bare necessities in a 109 with mud tyres.

But has anybody ever analyzed and/or tried to understand the complex mass and energy system of a 109 payload?

Lemme try a scientific explanation:

As you have certainly observed, various complicated instances of kinetic energy are transformed in a moving Land Rover.
All these non-linear transformations are apt to transform kinetic Energy U into a different U(t) + Q(t) (the heat of your engine, exhaust, moving parts like the gearbox and drivetrain + delta H, the inevitable increase in entropy (these are the things shifting in your Land Rover). When entropy increases, particle random movement rate and sudden changes of the material state increase accordingly. This is the explanation for condensed water suddenly dripping in your neck and Cotes du Rousillon that has unexpectedly evaporated.

I also only mentioned the useful part of the mass enclosed in the Land Rover's truckbed, because this is what Luca asked for. (I will implement my personal stuff list on this site soon)

This is equivalent to the information content of a signal, the rest is redundancy. In a data transfer, that redundancy would be parity bits etc.
Even though every item carried in a Land Rover serves at least two purposes, like pliers can be used to cope with wire AND to fish your steak from the barbecue, 7/8" spanners are essential to top up your radiator AND to stir your coffee, there are also items that serve no purpose at all.

In data communications, entropy refers to the relative degree of randomness which we notice as signaling errors. In a computer these signaling errors appear to be encoded in Classic Chinese and in a 109 they are responsible for the random operation of your lights and indicators after off-roading. Entropy is directly proportional to the maximum attainable data speed, in a Land Rover that is the maximum attainable speed depending on the sort of terrain you are driving through.

Entropy is also directly proportional to noise. That is very clear, noise in a Land Rover is proportional to speed and the number of rattling items in the back of your truck. The entropy in a signal is inversely proportional to compressibility; the greater the entropy, the less data can be compressed. If kinetic energy in the shape of a very tidy SMART hits your rattling noisy old Landrover, guess which vehicle will be more compressed. Alain assured me that in this case a SMART even tried to sneak into the rear wheel arches.

Entropy can also be added to the redundant protocol part in a signal for encryption. For instance, encryption can be observed in the mutation of Series Three wiring diagrams in the V8 supplement.
Like in a data transfer it is always the redundant part of the message that arrives correctly and important information contents simply vanish, important items in your Land Rover vanish into THE ZONE (if you are not familiar with the zone theory, I'll explain it in another message) and completely redundant items turn up on the surface of the load you carry.
Thus, when traveling in France, a list of British LPG stations, a map of Holland, the 12 V adapter for your old mobile phone or old coke cans appear in footwells, the important stuff box behind the seats or uppermost in your dashboard compartment. For the same reason, you have to dig for 20 minutes or in vain when you need another 30 Amps fuse, though there should be an ample supply in the said dashboard.

Hence, if entropy increases and redundancy also is amplified, what do you expect to be visible when glancing into any Land Rover?

For the same reason, zone returns happen also after non-linear kinetic energy transformations. If you fly Alitalia from Sydney to Frankfurt via Roma, your bag with the important items and the perishables will turn up in Tripoli, while the bag with your dirty socks will arrive safely. (Yes, it has happened to me!)
In a 109, the 5/16" BSF spanner will turn up in the bumperettes, which are per se redundant and thus the only place where you never looked after you have grudgingly fastened the nut with a 19/32" AF which does not fit completely over that nut. That zone return will happen when you untie the towrope in the pouring rain and the spanner will drop into the next mudpuddle, where it is absolutely redundant and the correct stowing operation back into the toolbox will involve a major digging exercise in the back of your truck...

Takeo's precious Snap-On toolbox was once stolen from his truck. He had bolted it to the body and thus prevented the beneficial influence of kinetic energy and entropy. On the other hand, we have tried for months to get rid of a 9.00 tyre but nobody wants to steal it. Why? It is not attached to anything and can potentially move in any direction. It is also very redundant and this is why we expect it to be around for another five years.

by Annette Flottwell

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